


New Zealand - Goodbye

by Rakshi



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-02
Updated: 2011-12-02
Packaged: 2017-10-26 19:18:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/286952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakshi/pseuds/Rakshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're there for the last time and they have important things to discuss. But they didn't count on the rain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Zealand - Goodbye

"Do you know where you are, Frodo?" Sean asked quietly.

Elijah looked around him. "It look familiar, but… " He shook his head. "Sean, I don't remember. God, that's terrible!"

"Nah," Sean assured him. "Not terrible. Its been years since we've been here."

They were standing in a wooded glade. Lush vegetation caressed the sides of craggy palisades that rose high into the air above them. Sean had driven them deep into the New Zealand forest, and then shouldered his backpack and walked them another mile or so, guiding Elijah by the arm, and stopping every now and then to stare at a hand drawn map he'd carried in his jacket pocket.

Elijah stared hard at the trees and hills surrounding them. There was something in the shape of the place that nudged his memory. He turned, eyes seeking Sean who was sitting on a rock watching him quietly.

"You figured out where you are yet?"

"I’m starting to," Elijah breathed. He walked to Sean and dropped a hand to his shoulder. "'Orli rode in right over there, didn't he," he stated, pointing to his left toward a small clearing. "And my bedchamber was right up there." His arced his hand further to his left and pointed up, toward the hillside.

Sean nodded. "An Elven loom knocked me unconscious right over there," Sean said, jerking his thumb to the right.

Elijah began to wander through the copse, his eyes on the ground.

"What are you looking for?" Sean asked, watching Elijah from his rocky perch.

"Some sign that we were here," Elijah told him. "A cigarette butt. A bottle cap. Anything."

"You won't find it," Sean assured him. "Peter made sure of that. He was adamant that we leave this place just as we found it."

"Ah ha!" Elijah yelped triumphantly, reaching to pick something up from within a dense thicket.

Sean laughed and ran to where he was standing. "What did you find?"

Elijah held a small object in his hand. "Look, Sean," he breathed. "Look at this."

Sean took the object and they both examined it. "It's a button!" he exclaimed. "But whose?"

Elijah took the button back and examined it closely. Then he looked up at Sean. "From the color of the threads, it's Beanie's," he said pointing to the back of the button. "Look. You can just barely see some of the red threads left in the back where it got pulled off his costume. It's Bean's! And I actually remember, vaguely, him saying that he'd lost a button when he got off his horse."

"… for the 17th time that day," Sean finished grinning.

Elijah grinned back. "Well, you know Peter. 'Just one more'," Elijah mimicked with a laugh. "And again, please. Can I have one more, Sean? For the DVD, you know.' " Sean had to laugh too. Elijah's impression of their perfectionist director was dead on.

Elijah began to wander around, talking over his shoulder as he strolled. "Sean, why did you bring me here instead of taking me to Hobbiton?"

Sean shrugged, and slowly trailed after him. "Hobbiton would've been too sad," he said quietly. "I don't know that I could have kept from crying. And I know damn well you couldn't have."

Elijah pocketed the button and nodded. "You're probably right." He sighed and moved toward a small glade. A rocky jut joined the small clearing to a knoll and Elijah sat down on it and inhaled deeply. "Just the smell," he murmured. "I'd know where I was just by the smell."

Sean ambled over to join him and they sat, facing each other.

"New Zealand, I mean," Elijah explained. "Don't you think it smells different than anyplace else?"

Sean nodded, dropping his backpack to the grass beside them. "It has unique flora and fauna. Gives it a unique smell." He smiled and watched as Elijah bent to sniff the flowers on a nearby shrub. The sound of the waterfall behind them was mesmerizing. Sean felt almost light-headed. 'You could truly believe that elves live here,' he thought. 'The place is magical.'

He turned to Elijah and smiled at him. "Been wanting to talk to you," Sean said quietly. "That's kind-of why I stole you today."

"Did you steal me?" Elijah asked, looking up at him with a slow smile. "And here I thought I gave me to you."

Sean's hand reached for Elijah, then hesitated and slowly withdrew. "Well, of course, you did," he murmured.

Elijah noticed Sean's broken-off gesture and frowned. "So, why did you want to talk to me?"

"Because you've seemed a little… downhearted to me lately," Sean replied, trying to keep his voice as dispassionate as possible. "You haven't wanted to spend time with me… with anyone really. Kinda keeping to yourself. I needed to ask you why."

Elijah dropped his eyes, and this time Sean's fingers moved unhesitatingly from the top of Elijah's velvet smooth hair, down his cheek to his chin. He gently lifted Elijah's face. When he spoke, his voice was a sigh. "What's wrong?"

Elijah's hand pushed Sean's fingers down and away from his face, and his eyes dropped again. Sean leaned close and whispered. "Please, Doodle."

Elijah pulled away again and shook his head.

"But why?" Sean entreated, his hands outspread. "Is it me, Elijah? Have I done something wrong?"

"No!" Elijah replied fiercely. "It's nothing like that!" He shook his head again and grabbed Sean's extended wrists in his hands. "Please, Sean. Just let it go. It's nothing. I've been worrying over nothing. That's all. I can't talk about it. Can you accept that and just let it go? "

Sean nodded slowly. "If I have to accept it I will. But you can't have it both ways. If it's so bothersome that you can't talk about it, then it's a far cry from nothing." He sighed and pulled his wrists out of Elijah's hands. "Whatever you want, Lij" he shrugged, attempting a nonchalance that didn't fool Elijah for a second.

Sean turned to his discarded backpack and began to rifle through it. When he spoke, his tone was cheerful: "Hey! Look what I brought us!"

Elijah reached to clasp his shoulder. "Sean, please don't be upset with me.

"I’m not," Sean assured him, reaching out with one wide hand to stroke down his arm. "I just feel…, " he shrugged again. "… a little hurt maybe."

Elijah's eyes were lowered, and Sean could feel his arm trembling. Sadness was a tight pressure in Sean's chest that he only barely managed to contain. He felt heavy with the dull ache of failure. And lonely. He felt so terribly lonely. He had to try again even if it risked Elijah's anger. He couldn't bear this.

"Lij," he whispered. "Please talk to me." He saw Elijah's shoulders sag and leaned closer to him. "Maybe I can help," he implored. Elijah's head lifted and the blue eyes regarded him unhappily.

Sean's fingers curled softly against Elijah's. He didn't try to take his hand. Only caressed his fingertips almost imperceptibly and quickly withdrew. "Please, Lij," he pleaded almost inaudibly. "Please, give me a chance."

Elijah's eyes never left Sean's bewildered face. He had never had been able to classify this relationship. Never. Sean was brother, father, friend… and yet more than any of these. He was stable and solid, Elijah's rock. He was Sam, Elijah's steadfast protector in the face of any challenge. There were moments when anxiety or hurt shook him. When the intensity of Sean's commitment to projects, or people, consumed him. But these moments were rare, and never for public view.

He came to Elijah at times like this… seeking both the comfort that their relationship had always given him and the wisdom that he believed in. And Elijah was able to turn him around and help him find his peace again.

Sean was all these things. But no matter what mood he was in, how driven he became, or how caught up he was in his current passion, the one unshakable aspect of his being was his love for Elijah. The love that never wavered.

On Mt. Ruepahu it all came together. While Sean was literally becoming Samwise Gamgee and living Sam's defining moment, Elijah had become something beyond Frodo. As he lay in Sean's arms the transformation that had begun in the Spring of 1999 was completed. The truth he couldn't deny when he looked into Sean's tear streaked face became one with his soul. The truth that wouldn't allow him to pretend it wasn't like that. It was like that. It had always been like that. He was in love with the man who held him so closely. Irrevocably, passionately in love.

That same man now looked into his eyes, awaiting answers that Elijah believed he dare not give.

"Don’t I remember Frodo once calling Sam a nuisance?" Elijah said, his soft smile taking any sting out of his words.

Sean looked up at Elijah through his lashes. "I believe that was 'confounded nuisance'," he said shyly, then switched seamlessly to Sam's warmhearted voice. "But if you read on, Mr. Frodo, sir, I reckon you'll see that Sam was right to make himself a nuisance." He reseated himself solidly on the rocky shelf and pressed his lips together. His gesture was totally unconscious but it immediately brought a smile to Elijah's lips. "I know that look," Elijah told him, grinning. "That's a 'Sam' look. Stubborn. Refusing to budge."

Sean's expression didn’t shift. He stared at Elijah in silence.

After a moment, Elijah sighed and shook his head. "OK," he said. "Maybe I can share part of it. Enough to satisfy that hobbit inside of you." He looked down, chewing his lower lip, trying to find the right words and fearing that no amount of time would help him do so. There were no right words for this kind of confession.

"Sean," Elijah said finally. "I know you remember the night we were up on the volcano."

Sean sat back in obvious surprise, eyes wide. He couldn't imagine how that night could have anything to do with Elijah's obvious unhappiness. "Of course," he responded softly. "I'll remember it until I die. It was one of the most important experiences in my life."

Elijah smiled at him and shook his head. Then he sighed and kicked at the shrubs beneath his feet. "You called it your most sacred experience as an actor."

"Yes," Sean replied.

"It was rather like that for me too," Elijah said shyly. "Only… " He stopped and turned to Sean. "Only more… or at least, not just as an actor." He ducked his head abruptly and cleared his throat, as if he were trying not to tear up.

Sean smiled, feeling his heart melt. God, how he loved him! At times his feelings for Elijah threatened to consume his very being. But he was so entangled in the life he'd created before they met that living out those feelings was something Sean dared not think about. Or at least he dared not think about it any more often than he could help. Because in spite of his best efforts, there were times when he could think of little else. Times like the deeply treasured moments on the volcano, on Mount Ruepahu, with Elijah held close in his arms. And… times like now.

"I realized something that day," Elijah told him quietly. His eyes were averted and Sean could see that his hands were trembling.

"What?" he asked breathlessly. "Elijah, what did you realize?"

Elijah glanced up at him. His eyes were filled with sadness.

Sean smiled reassuringly. "Listen, Doodle. I seriously doubt that anything you say could be either as good or as bad as I'm already imagining. So just close your eyes and talk to me."

Elijah nodded slowly and took a deep breath. "OK, it boils down to this. You said you felt as though a lightening bolt had hit your soul. Well, I felt the same way. Only I felt as though it had hit my heart."

He glanced apprehensively toward Sean who sat quietly without responding. "I don't think I realized 'til that moment…"

Elijah stopped and glanced at Sean again.

"Lij?" Sean prompted quietly. "What is it?"

Elijah stared into Sean's open, guileless face and, swallowed his self-loathing. "I realized how sad I am because it's all over," he said sorrowfully. "I realized how much I'll miss our Sam and Frodo, Sean. It's just breaking my heart to let them go."

Sean's head tilted and he stared at Elijah for a long time. Elijah knew he hadn't really convinced him, but silently prayed Sean would accept his explanation.

Finally Sean sighed. "OK, Elwood. I’m all done ragging on you. You're still holding back, but I'm not going to push this any further."

Sean reached once again for his backpack. After a moment of rummaging, Elijah saw a bottle of wine and two plastic glasses emerge. Sean handed him the wine and Elijah examined the label with totally fraudulent expertise. "Oooo," he cooed, rolling his eyes. "Great year."

Sean retrieved the bottle. "I'll have you know it WAS a great year, you wanker," Sean mumbled as he scrabbled around in his backpack. Suddenly his eyes lit up and he pulled a package out and waved it under Elijah's nose. "Make fun of THIS, Elwood!" he crowed.

Elijah grabbed the package. "String cheese!" he yelped, tearing the package open with obvious enthusiasm.

Sean smiled at his reaction and pulled out a thin blanket that he spread out on the grass in back of their rocky ledge. As he opened the wine, he inclined his head toward the blanket, obviously inviting Elijah to lie down.

"Relax," Sean advised, sitting the open wine on the ledge while he separated the plastic glasses. "Let's just enjoy the day. We won't have many more like this... at least for awhile."

Elijah stretched out on the blanket eating the cheese and watching Sean pour the wine. The soft, thick grass beneath the blanket filled his senses with its fragrance. He turned to his side and held out his hand to take the glass Sean was offering him. For a moment their eyes met, and Elijah dropped his head. "I'm sorry, Sean," he whispered, fighting back tears.

The beauty of their surroundings seemed to mock the feelings in his heart. How could he be with Sean in a place this magical and mar their moments together with half-truths. His throat ached with the pain of what he had done. Love, Elijah believed, should always stand in truth. But he feared that the truth buried in his heart could bring even greater pain to the one he loved. And do him even greater wrong.

Sean nudged Elijah's arm with gentle fingers, then held his glass up. "To Sam and Frodo," he said quietly.

Elijah touched his glass to Sean's. "Yes. To Sam and Frodo."

They both drank and Sean nodded with satisfaction. "Good stuff." He sat cross-legged on the blanket looking down at his young co-star. Elijah's sadness was palpable and Sean reached immediately for a way to ease his pain.

"Let me tell you something," he said tenderly, reaching to touch Elijah's arm. "You have nothing to be sorry for… not ever. You have the right to keep your own counsel. I’m sorry I pressed." He shook his head, his expression almost bashful. "You know me," he drawled, waving his hand dismissively. "Always the worrier."

His body language, the timbre of his voice, all spoke to a big-hearted humility that existed without the slightest hint of self mockery. Elijah's throat tightened again. 'God,' Elijah thought. 'He's the sweetest person alive. All he's ever wanted is my happiness."

"Sean?" he asked in a low whisper.

Sean raised his eyebrows in response, taking another sip of his wine.

"Do you think Sam and Frodo were in love?" Elijah blurted. His need to talk about how he felt was overwhelming. 'Maybe,' Elijah thought. 'Maybe Sam and Frodo can help me. Maybe I can say it through them and get a hint of how Sean feels.'

Sean lowered his head, but not before Elijah saw a soft smile light his face. It was gone when his eyes met Elijah's. "Sure," he replied evenly. "I've always thought that. Said it too, if I'm not mistaken."

"Do you think they were lovers?" Elijah whispered.

Sean regarded him quietly for a moment, hoping that the aching need that rocked his body wasn't showing on his face. Then he sighed. "I think it's irrelevant."

"Why?" Elijah queried, moving to sit cross-legged in front of Sean. "How could something that important be irrelevant?"

Sean smiled at him. "Because, my sweet Elijah, their inloveness wasn't the point of their story, whether or not they consummated it physically."

"Inloveness?" Elijah giggled. "You inventing words again?"

"Perfectly legitimate word," Sean huffed. Then he winked. "If you happen to live on Venus."

"But, Sean, what about after the ring was destroyed. Was it relevant then?"

"Well, for the sake of this conversation, let's say it was. What then, Elijah?"

"Then I repeat my original question. Were they lovers?"

Sean shifted uncomfortably on the blanket and poured more wine into his glass. "I suppose it's possible," he murmured.

Elijah shook his head, holding out his glass for a refill. "No, Sean," he complained. That's not fair. It's possible that any two people could be lovers under a given set of circumstances. I’m asking about Sam and Frodo." He watched as Sean sat the bottle down, carefully avoiding his eyes. Elijah sipped his wine in silence for a moment, then sat his cup on the stone outcropping next to them. He turned to Sean and tugged on his sleeve. "Were they lovers, Sean?" Then he added quickly, "And don't intellectualize."

Sean took Elijah's hand, turning it palm-up in his own. With his other hand he slowly stroked from the base of Elijah's palm upward until his fingertips rested against Elijah's. His eyes never left their joined hands. Elijah saw him swallow hard before repeating the gesture.

"Sean?" Elijah whispered.

Sean cleared his throat. "I think," he said finally. "That Sam wanted them to be." He glanced quickly at Elijah and the motion of his fingers stopped. He pressed Elijah's hands between his two palms and when he spoke, his voice was a hoarse whisper. "I think he'd wanted them to be lovers since long before the quest." He stopped for a moment as lost in thought, then sighed. "I don’t know about Frodo."

"Well, I do," Elijah interjected, his voice low but charged with emotion.

Sean glanced at him again, but didn't respond. This kind of talk was dangerous for both of them. But the enchantment of their surroundings and look on Elijah's face were creating a kind of alchemy within Sean. He felt spellbound. 'God,' Sean through. 'This must be what it feels like to be high on drugs. Or... ' Sean thought, feeling his heart thud in a chest that felt suddenly hollow. 'Completely in love.'

He could still feel Elijah's hands between his. So small. So tiny that Sean's hands engulfed them completely. And in this moment when he felt everything falling apart that he had tried so hard to keep together, he found that fact so incredibly erotic. Elijah's hands. Elijah's tiny hands. He was touching them. Elijah’s tiny hands.

Sean began to slowly stroke Elijah's palm and fingers again. He felt Elijah's hand trembling in his and lifted his head. Their eyes locked.

"I think," Elijah said softly. "…that Frodo wanted. Wanted so badly that it nearly drove him mad. But before the ring was destroyed, he didn't know what he wanted."

He glanced at Sean who was watching him wordlessly. "Does that make any sense to you?"

"Go on," Sean whispered.

"After the ring was gone," Elijah continued in a soft voice. "I think he began to realize. All the feelings that had been a dead weight in his heart, tormenting him with loneliness because he couldn't really feel them, began to come alive again. He looked at Sam and knew. Knew what Sam had done for him. Knew why he'd done it. Frodo's heart had been so dark and empty, Sean. But now… when he looked at Sam… it sang again."

Sean was transported by the sound of Elijah's voice. The blue eyes looked beyond him, and he seemed to be quoting lines from some ancient text rather than from his own heart. His voice was melodic. Like Frodo's voice, and yet wholly Elijah.

"I suspect he knew all along how much Sam meant to him," Elijah mused. "But the ring kept him from feeling it. That's the true evil of the ring, Sean. It destroys love." He turned and looked directly into Sean's eyes. "And I suspect that once the ring was destroyed he felt the love all in a rush. Probably scared him to death. Maybe he didn't want to say anything."

"He wouldn't tell Sam how he felt?" Sean asked. Elijah's hands were still caught between his own, palms pressed together as if praying.

"I don't know, Sean," Elijah whispered slowly. "It'd be hard to confess to someone that you were in love with them if you weren't quite sure how they'd take it."

Sean slowly sat back and released Elijah's hands. Their eyes had been mere inches apart, but the bolt of adrenaline that hit him with Elijah's last whisper took his breath and nearly pushed him off the wall. Without really knowing why, he squirmed with uneasiness.

"After everything they'd been through together? Why would Frodo doubt that Sam loved him?" Sean queried.

Elijah gave a small shrug, almost a shudder. "Maybe he didn't doubt it, Seanie. I think he was more afraid of burdening Sam with a love that could only drag him down."

Elijah studied his hands for a moment. They felt cold after Sean released them, and he tucked them under his arms for a moment to warm them.

"I doubt that Sam would have seen it that way," Sean muttered. "

Elijah pulled his hands out from under his arms and studied them. Then he shrugged. "Frodo knew in his heart that he'd never recover from what the ring did to him. He knew that Sam and Rosie had made plans before the quest began. Maybe he didn't want to interfere with what they had."

Sean turned to look at Elijah. "Even if Sam wanted him? Loved him? Needed him?"

Elijah swallowed hard. "Is that how you see it, Sean?"

"I see this," Sean said half angrily. "I see that Sam loved Frodo enough to follow him into the very fires of hell. He would have followed him to the moon if Frodo had needed him. He said that. If it broke his back…" Sean hesitated, his voice stumbling. "… or… or broke his heart."

"I know," Elijah replied quietly.

"After all that," Sean said more mildly. "He deserves to hear the truth from Frodo's own lips. Not read about it in the 'Red Book' a month after he's left for Valinor."

"And what should Frodo say?" Elijah asked.

Sean shrugged. "You'd have to decide that, Elijah." he mumbled. Then he lifted his head and looked into Elijah's eyes. "I know this though. The ring couldn't keep Sam from loving Frodo. It couldn't take that away from him. He felt it every step of the way to Mordor and every step afterward. And maybe that's why the damned thing couldn't corrupt him." Sean's voice trailed off and he lowered his head. When he spoke next, his voice shivered with the intensity of his feelings. "His love for Frodo was stronger than any ring."

Elijah tried to keep his eyes from flickering to the band of gold on Sean's left hand, but couldn't. The sight of it tightened his throat and left a dull ache in his chest. If Sean noticed the direction of his eyes gave no sign, and a sense of hopelessness filled Elijah. He was not the kind of person who gave in to despair, but this situation left him with so few options that despair seemed unavoidable.

"Frodo's love for Sam was strong too, Sean," Elijah said sadly. "But he didn't have Sam's strength… especially after Cirth Ungol. He'd carried that thing for a long time."

Sean pressed the heels of his hands hard against his eyes. "I’m sorry, Lij," he murmured. "I didn't mean to seem harsh. I know how much Frodo suffered. It's just that…," he sighed and lowered his hands. "I also know how much Sam is going to suffer when Frodo leaves him."

Elijah reached up and laid both hands on either side of Sean's head. He moved his fingers gently, massaging his skull. "I sometimes think that we have these conversations because we think that somehow we can change it. That we can make a different ending to that story."

Sean leaned into Elijah's massage. "You may be right," he said quietly. "Because for me, that book didn't end when Sam said: 'Well, I’m back.' It ended when he stood all night on the shore at the Grey Havens looking out over the sea to where his…" Once again he hesitated. He glanced at Elijah. "… his friend." Then in a softer voice. "… his love… had sailed away from him."

Elijah felt his eyes burn. His hands slid down Sean's hair to his face, cupping it between his palms. "Sean," he whispered, his throat tight and aching.

Sean's hands rose to cover Elijah's, and he leaned forward until their foreheads touched. "You know don't you," Sean choked, his voice thick with his own tears. "… that in the epilogue Sam refers to Frodo as 'my greatest treasure'."

Elijah closed his eyes and felt a tear track down his cheek. "And what of Sam's alter ego?" he asked softly. "Does he have a greatest treasure of his own?"

Sean leaned back, and lifted Elijah's hands to his lips. "He does," he whispered, staring into shining blue eyes. "And I'm looking right at it."

Elijah's arms twined around Sean's neck as Sean's hands dropped to encircle his waist, and for a long moment they wordlessly held each other tight. Then Elijah leaned back, shaking his head.

"Oh, Sean," he said, his voice shuddering. "I can't be your greatest treasure! I wish I was." He looked up into Sean's eyes. "I want to be!" His eyes fell. "But Chris and the girls. I could never… I mean I know that they…" His voice trailed off and he shrugged helplessly.

Sean tipped Elijah's head up until their eyes met again. He was smiling gently. "Listen, Doodle," he murmured softly. "I'm not saying I don't treasure them. I do. But they're like…" He stopped and thought a moment. Then looked up again.

"There are many beautiful aspects of my life that are right out there in the open. You're part of that world too. But, there's also a part of me that I show to no one else. An intimacy that is a million times richer than anything I've ever shared before. A closeness that my daughters could never understand and that Chris and I have never achieved. That bond, my beloved Elijah, is yours and yours alone." He cupped Elijah's face in one hand while the other moved across his brow with soft fingertips. He leaned closer, his lips nearly touching Elijah's ear. "My greatest treasure," he whispered, then kissed Elijah's cheek.

Elijah sighed as Sean's lips brushed across his face. "Intimacy and closeness," he murmured. "Those qualities don't work well when you tell half-truths to each other."

Sean leaned back, surprised. "Well, yeah. I'd have to say that's probably true." He leaned back further and narrowed his eyes. "What are you talking about, Lij?"

"What I said earlier about our time on the volcano." He wanted to look at Sean. Forced his head up. Forced his eyes open. Forced them to stare into Sean's. He felt himself quaking with the immensity of what he was about to say… to do. About the ways it could change his life for good or for ill. 'I could lose him,' his mind whispered. 'I could lose him forever.'

"That night," Elijah stammered. "That night on the volcano. I knew then. How I felt. How Frodo felt. How we both felt."

Sean said nothing. He stared into Elijah's eyes and waited.

"I knew I loved you," Elijah told him.

Sean smiled slowly. "I knew I loved you way before then."

'Still sandbagging,' Elijah thought. He took a deep breath and looked up. Sean was smiling. His eyes were slanted and soft. He was reaching for Elijah's hand.

"What if it wasn't just love."

Sean leaned back, puzzled. "Elijah, what on Ear…."

"What if," Elijah countered, not allowing him to speak. "What if I told you that what I realized up on that volcano that night was that I was in love with you. Deeply in love with you."

Elijah heard Sean gasp and when he turned to look he saw Sean's face alight with... what? For a moment Elijah searched for the right word. And then he found it. Joy. Sean's face was glowing with joy.

There was a moment of absolute silence. Elijah studied the shrubbery, while afternoon sun threw deeper shadows across the glade where they sat. He didn't see Sean slowly close his eyes. And Sean didn't see the tremor that shook Elijah's body. A breeze touched the trees above them and the leaves danced, creating a kaleidoscope of flickering light from the sun's radiance. Red flashes of light exploded behind Sean's eyelids as the rays glinted across his face.

He opened his eyes and reached, again, for Elijah's hand.

Elijah refused to give it. "I'm stupid!" he spat. "God! How could I tell you!" He wheeled to glower at Sean. "What can you possibly say to something like that? I know you love me. I know you don't want to hurt me. You're my friend, and I just put you in an impossible position... and for what?"

"Elijah," Sean breathed softly. "Will you kindly shut up and let me speak for myself?" He took Elijah's hand in his and held it tightly. "I'm in love with you too," he whispered. "You must know that."

For a moment Elijah simply stared at him. He heard the words, but wasn't sure how to interpret them. Sean was unfailingly loving with everyone. Elijah knew he stood in a special circle of affection with Sean, but he wasn't sure that Sean's 'in love' meant the same thing as his.

"With or without the injection of Eros," Elijah queried, half-smiling.

Sean laughed softly. "OK. I had that coming I guess."

They were silent for a moment. The sun had faded and their glade was suddenly darker. Elijah felt Sean's thumb moving gently over the back of his hand and tried to focus on its gentle pressure, hoping to still the fear that seized his stomach. "You do get pompous," Elijah whispered, grateful for the steadiness of his voice.

"Yeah," Sean murmured dryly. "When I'm afraid of something I throw vocabulary at it, hoping it'll go away."

Elijah shrugged and tried to pull his hand away. "It's probably just a phase. That was a pretty intense moment up there." He looked up at Sean and shrugged again. "Please, don't take any of this seriously. Please."

"With," Sean said quietly, refusing to let go of Elijah's hand.

Elijah's breath caught in his throat. He wanted to look away from the glow in Sean's hazel eyes, but couldn't. How could hearing one word fill him with such intense yearning?

"Elijah, did you hear me?"

Elijah nodded. "I heard. But it doesn't make any difference. You're…," he choked on the word 'married' though he couldn't, for the life of him, think why. He sighed, disgusted with himself. "You're spoken for," he rasped, amazed at how much saying this hurt. "God, Sean, I have no fucking right…"

"You have the rights I give you!" Sean snapped.

"Sean… " Elijah half-whispered.

"No!" Sean cried, reaching for Elijah, catching his arms and dragging him forward into his embrace. "No," Sean whispered hoarsely.  
He held Elijah close for a long time, saying nothing, his fingers slowly stroking Elijah's hair. The slender body in his arms was trembling, and Sean rocked him, letting one hand drift slowly up and down Elijah's back until he felt the trembling cease and the tense muscles unclench.

"My greatest treasure," he murmured into Elijah's ear. "My most beloved treasure."

Elijah's arms were around his neck, holding tight. "I'm not like Sam," Sean whispered against his cheek. "I won't let you go. I won't give you up. I won't stand there and watch while you walk away."

Elijah leaned back to look into his eyes. "I thought about it," Sean told him. "God knows I did. You're so young. I'm so married. All the reasons. All the good reasons why it shouldn't be. Why it couldn't be."

Elijah said nothing. He was determined not to utter one word that would move Sean in any direction whatsoever. This had to come from him and him alone.

"But one reason I couldn't make go away," Sean whispered. "All these years. It never went away." He bent and pressed his lips to Elijah's mouth, gasping as the softness of his lips took Sean's breath. For a mindless few moments Sean lost himself in the taste and feeling of Elijah's mouth, while Elijah's fingers clenched in his hair, pressing their lips even tighter together. When he grasped Elijah's arms and forced him back, his eyes were bright… shining with love.

"You think that moment on the volcano was only sacred to me as an actor?" he cried. "That's what I told everyone. That's what I said. I had to talk about it because was like a wildfire inside of me! But it was you… you, Elijah. I knew that night that it was you who I was in love with. You who I would always love!" He stopped suddenly and stared into Elijah's eyes. He took a deep breath, not caring that Elijah could hear it tremble in his chest. "It was a ceremony," he breathed. "A spiritual rite of passage. Until that moment... I didn't deserve you."

He heard Elijah's breath catch on a sob. The depths in his eyes beckoned. Sean was drowning in them and not at all sorry. He wanted to be lost in that dark void. He wanted to fall. To plunge into Elijah's eyes and be lost forever. He yearned for it with all of his being.

Sean lowered his head and Elijah leaned in until their foreheads were touching. “Sean.” Elijah whispered. “Sean.”

Sean lifted his head and inhaled sharply with the force of a new discovery. That the sound of his name being whispered by Elijah’s voice was music. Was a ballad. Was a love song of such all-consuming passion that Sean’s mouth fell open in astonishment.

Could he have spoken, he wondered. Doubtful. Took breath to speak and he had none. His chest ached from a lack of air. A crushing pain. Yet, one that didn’t hurt as much as it compelled. He could take little breaths. Gasping ones. Short, panting inhales that gave him no real oxygen, but seemed to create the most intense, aching longing in his groin.

He slid his hand under Elijah's shirt, letting his fingers move slowly across the satin-smooth skin.

“Sean.” Elijah whispered.

Oh god. There it was again. That song. He tugged on Elijah's shirt, trying to pull it up, over his head.

“Lij.” Sean whispered back. “Oh, god, Elijah.”

“Shhh.” He whispered. “It’s OK.”

When did ‘shhh’ turn into a phrase so erotic that it took Sean’s breath? Sean knew. When it was said by Elijah Wood. When those lips… those… lips… pursed and whispered that soothing sound.

Thunder rumbled above them as Sean tore Elijah's shirt from his body and threw it to the rocks. He ripped his own shirt off just as quickly, not even seeing where it fell. All he saw was the silky nakedness of Elijah's chest. He drew Elijah to the blanket and rolled on top of his body, moaning as their bodies pressed together.

"Kiss," Sean moaned. "Lijah. Lijah. Kiss. Please."

Elijah's mouth opened under his and their tongues mated with silken touches that Sean feared would drive him mad. The kiss seemed endless and Sean was glad… glad that it was endless. He never wanted it to end. Never wanted this moment to end… this world to end.

The thunder rumbled again. But they didn't even hear it. Sean's hands moved between them, reaching blindly for snaps, zippers... tugging frantically. Finally giving up, he reared back, hating the feeling of his body without Elijah's skin against it. He bent to kiss Elijah's stomach as he unsnapped his jeans. He followed the jeans down as he lowered them, dropping tiny kisses onto Elijah's belly, avoiding his swollen erection with effort as he eased the jeans and briefs down and off.

Elijah's hands were scrabbling at his arms, his shoulders. "Sean," he moaned. "Hurry. Hurry."

Sean hurled his jeans and boxers away from him. "Oh god," he breathed again and again. "Oh god." He was wild with hunger and when the silky nakedness of Elijah's body pressed against his once again, he moaned with rapture.

Thunder. Loud this time. Elijah startled, his arms tightening around Sean's neck. He arched upward as he pulled Sean's lips to his, suckling his lower lip, biting the upper, then devouring both as though he could never get enough. A drop of rain hit his forehead as he caressed the tip of Sean's tongue with his own. He opened his eyes briefly to see grey clouds sweeping gently across the sky, then closed them again.

More rain. As Sean kissed his throat it fell upon his face… upon his arms as they clenched around Sean's shoulders. Elijah laughed as the cool drops spattered onto his swollen lips, cooling them.

Sean barely felt the drops on his back. He was conscious only of his mouth and tongue on Elijah's throat. Its long, slender slope moved beneath them, satin-smooth. Perfect.

He heard Elijah moaning his name. Felt Elijah's clawing at his back, and was overwhelmed with the need to kiss the body that arched beneath his. His lips moved over Elijah's skin, dropping soft, tiny kisses… licking… tasting. Down, down, down, until his head was level with Elijah's thighs.

The rain was falling harder now. It swept over them until both their bodies were drenched. Elijah saw the flash of lightning behind his closed lids and gasped at the dark rumble of thunder which followed it almost at once.

Sean bent to kiss Elijah's thighs, then lifted his head. "The Maori gods," he gasped.

"Sean!" Elijah cried out, reaching for him. "Come here! Up here! Please!"

Sean moved higher, bending to kiss the tip of Elijah's full throbbing erection as if in homage, then letting his lips walk, with achingly slowness, up Elijah's belly and chest. He moaned with the intensity of the pleasure that shook his body and raised himself to his knees to look down at the man he loved.

Elijah was naked and rain soaked. His body writhed on the thin blanket, arms reaching for Sean. The evidence of his arousal was nearly enough to make Sean come. He'd never seen anything quite so beautiful.

"The Maori gods," Sean said again. He lifted his hand to indicate the storm swirling all around them. Elijah grabbed his arms. "They're blessing us!" Sean told him, as Elijah drew him close.

Sean lowered his head, his desire seemingly one with the storm and licked the rain from Elijah's chest. He wrapped his arms around Elijah and pressed their rain-slick bodies together, yearning for him with all his soul. Elijah's legs clamped around him and Sean heard him cry out, his body shaking violently in climax.

Sean pressed his mouth to Elijah's throat once again, lapping at the rain that pooled in the hollow there as tremors of ecstasy shook him.

For a long time they lay on their thin blanket, feeling the rain pelt them, feeling the heat from their bodies slowly cool under the rain's touch. Feeling their breath and heartbeats return to normal.

Sean's head lifted and he looked down into shining sapphire eyes. "You're wet," he observed soberly.

"Yeah?" Elijah replied. "Says you!"

Sean kissed him and laughed softly. He turned to his side, still holding Elijah close, and kissed him again. He felt Elijah shiver and rubbed his hands over Elijah's back and arms, trying to warm him.

"I'd get you warm, but I'm not quite sure how."

Elijah giggled and nuzzled Sean's neck. "I have one or two ideas about how you could get me warm, but I'd like to be someplace dry first."

Sean laughed out loud. "I promise you, my treasure, that before this day ends, I'll get you warm again… and in a dry place too."

Elijah leaned back and looked at him. Sean's hair was drenched. His entire body shone with the rain's blessing. Tiny rivulets made a path through the fur on his chest and Elijah laughed and bent to sip the water. He smiled and pointed up. "Looks like the gods are almost done blessing us." The sky seemed to be clearing. They could see patches of blue in the gray scud.

Sean released Elijah and stood. The rainstorm was ending, but a slight drizzle still fell. He pulled Elijah to his feet and pointed to the overhang. "Sit there while I get our clothes."

Elijah nodded and moved under the overhand, though he wondered why it mattered now. He was soaked.

Sean began to gather their clothes, most of which had been protected by the overhang and were fairly dry. He couldn't bear for Elijah to be out of his arms for more than a moment, though, and dashed back to him with every article of clothing simply to take him into his arms and kiss him. When he had all their clothes, he perched under the overhang with his arm around Elijah, watching the remainder of the storm float past them.

Slowly, the rain turned to a misty drizzle … then stopped entirely. Once they were dry enough, they dressed slowly, still stopping now and then to kiss and hold each other. Sean poured them each another glass of wine and they returned to their wall and sat there, huddled close together, drinking in silence.

Elijah glanced up as a ray of late afternoon sunshine swept across the glade, turning the leaves, and Sean's hair, to gold.

He ran his fingers through the soft, damp waves. "This is our goodbye here, Sam. It doesn't have to mean any more than that. I'm not asking you for a thing. Except maybe that you go on loving me."

Sean scowled, then sat his glass down and gathered Elijah close. "I will stop loving you on the day that Sam stops loving Frodo."

Elijah looked up into his eyes and smiled.

"We may say goodbye to New Zealand," Sean told him quietly. "But never to each other... and never to everything it gave to us. It's all right here," he murmured, pointing to his chest.

He looked slowly around the rain drenched glade. "New Zealand, goodbye," he said sadly. He bent and kissed Elijah softly, pressing him close. "My greatest treasure, no goodbye ever. We stay as deathless as the stars."

Elijah pressed his head against Sean's chest, heard the steady beating of his heart, and believed.


End file.
